Making Friends in the Southern Exposure of the Sun

My self-discovery has plateaued in a sense.

I think I kinda know who I am. I think, that is.

I am a loner iso. I am a loner in-search-of. In search of friends. Kindred spirits to be precise. I am friendly with everybody I work with and everyone I know, its just weird not having close friends.

I think it’s acceptable to be this way. Before I was married I had close friends. Outcasts and partiers. I gave up that life and slowly they disappeared. My family, wife and two kids, were my life. With a family and working full time, friends weren’t really a necessity anymore. Now that I’m divorced and only see my daughter and son on the weekends my outlook on friends has changed.

I enjoy my time alone. Most of the time when I am alone I don’t feel lonely. Everybody is different that way. You could definitely say that I’m different. I feel different. I feel different being a loner. But I possess this really strange and wonderful outlook on life. A positive vibration, mon. If you dig.

I think if I just Keep On Keepin’ On, working hard every day and being nice and pleasant to everyone I come into contact with, sweet things are going to happen. And by sweet things are going to happen, I mean the friends and friendships I desire are going to happen.

There is a song by Led Zepp called The Rain Song. Here are some lyrics;

It is the springtime of my loving The second season I am to know You are the sunlight in my growing So little warmth I've felt before It isn't hard to feel me glowing I watched the fire that grew so low

It is the summer of my smiles Flee from me, keepers of the gloom Speak to me only with your eyes It is to you I give this tune Ain't so hard to recognize These things are clear to all from time to time

I feel as if I hit this passage in my life. The second season I’m to know. I see the beauty in many women. A beauty that attracts me. Attracts me in a way that they are the sunlight in my growing. They are the friends that I desire. Kindred spirits that speak to each other with our eyes.

Maureen at work has a beauty that attracts me. She is so quiet and gentle. I think she may be a loner too. We don’t see each other often but when we do, I try to initiate conversation. I get a vibe that she may like me. I certainly like her. I am afraid to take the next step. I really want to ask her if she would like to go on a date but I fear the consequences if I’ve read the situation wrong. Maureen is much younger than I and we work in the same building in a ‘corporate’ setting. Just the asking could create a bubble of discomfort for her. And I like her, so the last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable. Sheesh. Flee from me, keepers of the gloom. On the bright side, I’m putting in my resignation soon to branch out in a new direction. This may lead to a conversation with Maureen about keeping in touch and truly becoming friends. Loners iso. I think Maureen and I becoming friends would be a sweet thing.

Speaking of sweet things, my daughter had a dance recital last Saturday. I didn’t want to buy her flowers, however. I wanted something more lasting, yet alive, beautiful, and loving. I wanted to buy her a plant. A plant to pair with the baby cactus she has at the house. I knew the perfect place. This super-sweet store in Glendale. I got to the bottom of Tyson which dead-ends at Mount Carmel. I could have gone right or left to get to this super-sweet store. I contemplated for a few seconds on which way to go. It had been a while since I had been there and time was of the essence, in that, I was on my way to the recital. I turned right. I got to Edge Hill and the overpass was under construction. I turned the wrong way! I couldn’t turn around and go the other way without taking the chance of being late for the recital. I was not going to be late. I headed straight for the recital. Well, not exactly straight. The construction forced me to detour and I was instantly out-of-place. I wasn’t exactly sure how to get to the recital from this sudden detour. I really started to rethink my flip-phone v. smart-phone decision. My flip-phone wasn’t reciting any off-the-cuff, get-outta-a’jam, directions to me on the fly in a moment of desperation. A smart-phone could have, right? Riiiight.

The recital was brilliant. I headed back to the super-sweet store to buy my daughter a gift.

Sweet things are bound to happen if you just Keep On Keepin’ On. Right?

A young woman working at the store caught my eye. She had a beauty that attracted me. Her beauty radiated through her confidence. She was confident in the advice she was giving the novice gardeners. She was confident in her job. In her attire. So cute,btw. Especially the boots. Those work boots would make a highway construction worker proud. Well worn, dirty and distinguished. I could tell she loved getting her hands dirty while getting the job done. I could tell she had a positive vibration, mon. Ya dig. (that was not a gardening joke) She was knowledgeable and seemingly content in here universe. Magnetic is her presence. Her confidence was apparent in our conversation.

I just had to talk to her. I waited for her to finish helping the novice gardeners. Just her luck, right? Going from the novice to the cluess. Riiight. I asked her about the proper soil for a cactus. I asked her about the sunlight for a cactus. She asked me if I had the plant in a south facing window. I probably looked like I had DUH written across my face. “Its in the back bedroom”, was my reply. “I guess its south facing.” Yeah, duh. She then asked me how many hours of direct sunlight the cactus got. “Um…I guesssssss around…”, was my reply to that question. Looking me squarely in the eyes, businesslike, like a dog owner questioning an unquestionably naughty dog, like a parent “getting down to brass tacks” about the crayon scribbles on the wall, she repeated as matter-a-factly as she could in a ‘don’t-be-wastin’-my-time way’, “How many hours of direct sunlight does it get?”

I still don’t know the answer to that. But I threw out a guess of “about six, or eight, or ten(?)”. It was then that I realized another patron was waiting to talk to her. A guy no less. This poor woman probably has to fend off a lot of pestering loners, lol. I let the guy have this woman of confidence answer his questions. As I moved to browse the plant selection she said to me, “I’ll see you in a couple.” She must’ve known I wasn’t done pestering. Or maybe, just maybe now, the line from The Rain Song It isn't hard to feel me glowing wasn’t wasted on her and she subconsciously felt it.

When we did reconnect I had two flower pots. One was a giraffe for the plant I was buying as a gift. The other one was a pig to repot the cactus in. One of my daughter’s first stuffed animals was a giraffe. It was her fave. I named it Gerald. This ‘Woman of Confidence’, this person who appeared in my vision accidently by the twist of fate of a wrong turn, said as she touched my hand holding the pig, “I like your taste in vases”.

I like her taste in work boots.

Kindred spirits. Its only logical, in a wrong turn at Tyson and Mount Carmel, twist of fate, kinda way.

I have two rustic wooden gates in my backyard that need mending or replacing. Maybe my search for friends will find someone who exudes confidence in gardening projects of all types.

My self-discovery has plateaued. And I’m grateful for that. I’ve reached the summer of my smiles. I feel the glow. I want to explore this plateau. I see the beauty that is the sunlight in my growing.

Speak to me only with your eyes It is to you I give this tune

It is to you I give this story

It is to her I give this picture

These things are clear to all from time to time